Your Eyes Betray Your Secrets
for Ari
You are on your side of the bed
facing the window your back to me.
Your Mac at your hips is unattended,
Reno 911 getting no laughs.
The sheets are warmed by the electric blanket.
The room is usually cold and it is tonight.
Are you quietly crying
or do I imagine it?
You have encountered this change in our lives
—plans on hold, plans on the back burner removed,
a trip to Portland, a move to Berlin or Philly?—
like a man beyond his age.
You are sweet and kind.
Strong.
You do the household chores
I’m no longer able to do.
You make the coffee.
You recycle the trash
and lug it to the curb on Wednesday night.
You continue as if everything was normal
still ‘Thriller’ dancing down the stairs,
and singing (Freddie Murcury, AGAIN?),
yes, always the singing as if cued
by some invisible baton only you can see.
I attempt to rise. To pee.
Automatically you turn and your eyes betray your secrets.
You close your computer
and support my lower back with a little push.
Getting out of bed is an act of faith and magic.
November 11, 2015

The Right Forefinger (Again)
The right forefinger.
Now at it again
like a hummingbird
suspended in flight
frozen
feeding on wind,
preparing
for sudden
escape.
I think of my freshman
Bible Studies class
A million years ago?
Saint Agatha Academy
tucked safely away
in a charming Southern town
(but one racially corrupt like the rest)
Sister Hildegard, 85, or so,
we thought Could she be a 100?,
swiftly turning from the blackboard
at the sonic-boom sound
of a dropped book or bomb—even she
heard it,
her black veil a wing,
her crooked arthritic finger shaking
in my direction—I had to be the one.
November 5, 2015